Housebound, but Not Genre-Bound

Housebound

Housebound is brilliant in that it’s never what you’re expecting it to be. A quick glance at the gloomy box art invokes thoughts of the used and abused haunted house genre, yet a closer look reveals that things aren’t thematically absolute. Brutal acts of violence and jump scares are preceded by satirical snippets of humor, making you wonder whether you should laugh or wet your pants. Complimented by an atypical (and wonderful) absence of the “damsel in distress” trope, Housebound’s composition is immaculate; by the end of the film, you’ll feel as if you’ve actually watched a different kind of horror movie.

HouseboundKylie Bucknell (Morgana O’Reilly) is nothing but trouble. She’s chasing purple dragons, blowing up ATM machines with homemade explosives for some quick cash, and is generally unapproachable owing to her punkish attitude. Bad luck strikes when one of her robbery attempts falls flat on its ass and she winds up arrested, convicted, and sentenced to a supposedly lenient eight months of home detention, complete with an ankle monitor and a irritatingly chatty mother. The judge hoped to impose some stability on her chaotic life, but as one would expect, Kylie isn’t happy to be home, and she ensures that EVERYONE in the house is aware of this sentiment.

One uneventful evening (and there are many, presumably), Kylie hears her mother Miriam (Rima Te Wiata) on the radio, talking about how her house is haunted. Years back, she witnessed a shadowy figure down in the basement, and the memory spooks her to this day. Kylie initially ridicules her mother for being superstitious, but then begins to experience the symptoms of the haunting firsthand. Funny enough, her corrections officer Amos (Glen-Paul Waru) happens to be a real paranormal enthusiast, and proceeds to give her a hand scoping the place for any unruly spirits. It isn’t long before they discover that they’re digging up something worse than a few spooky ghosts.

HouseboundI won’t spoil the twists and turns for you, but I will tell you that there are a solid few. Twists that involve sociopathic behavior, the revelation of deeply buried secrets, and the possibility of murder. Who knows which order those’re in, eh? You’ll have to find out yourself.

Mike D’Angelo believes that Kylie’s house arrest needed to be a much more pivotal point of the film, but I’m inclined to think that the genius is more evenly dispersed. The spunky, aggressive protagonist and interspersed satirical humor are reason enough to like Housebound; the layered plot and slow-but-steady revelation of the real antagonist is reason to love it. Still, my sense of humor might not be in line with everyone else’s, so you should check out the A.V. Club review right through here.

The Woman, or Feral Sex Slave

The Woman

Hold onto your Stockholm syndrome, lads and lasses! This one’s a doozie. Bloody Disgusting indeed. Every time I see that buzz-saw skull, I know I’m in for a real treat.

The Woman. Now, there’s a simple title. What could possibly hide behind such mystifying ambiguity? Surely it couldn’t be a blatant rape fantasy disguised as a would-be noble message of anti-misogyny? Oops, spoiler alert. Truth be told, I went looking for a bad movie based on title alone, and it seems as though my nose is sharp, and my criticism sharper. Let’s crack this nut, shall we?

The WomanThe description should send a message to any interested in rape roleplay, as it suggests a woman living in the wild is captured by a sadistic lawyer who then tries to “civilize her.” This is no Tarzan and Jane story we’re dealing with, I’ll have you know. Torture, nudity, molestation, rape, it’s all there. Quality entertainment. Ever wanted to watch a child perform nipple torture with a pair of pliers? This is the flick for you! There’s no way to look around it, because it’s basically the entire movie.

Plot-wise, there isn’t much to go on. The “protagonists” are a family of four consisting of a chronically depressed (and pregnant) daughter, a delinquent son, a submissive mother, and a complete monster of an abusive father. The father goes hunting, finds the woman living in the woods, knocks her out, and ties her up in his cellar. Then, because he’s such a generous soul, he lets his entire family participate in her civilization. Rather, he forces them, but the film is about sensationalizing rape so that goes without saying.

The WomanThe concept driving the film is designed to cause its viewers to question the difference between “feral” and “civilized.” You would obviously side with the woman after seeing what the lawyer and his son do to her, but I’m of the opinion that it’s easier to express and propagate feminism without portraying its exact opposite to an offensive extreme. As a viewer and not a director, I’d have to say that all The Woman did was piss me off. As such, my review comes down to a matter of taste, and I find this particular film profoundly distasteful.

I shan’t be attaching an alternate review this time around due to the fact that I can’t seem to find a concurrent opinion, and I’d prefer nobody else be subjected to this sensationalist garbage. If you look up an alternate review on your own, you’re going to come across the Sundance festival incident. All you need to know is, there were plenty of walkouts. That’s all. Have a great time not watching The Woman.

Alyce Kills Has Something To Say

Alyce Kills

And it speaks through bloody violence.

Alyce Kills is exaggerated social commentary hidden behind the thin veil of slasher movie gore and ghost movie haunts. It’s a film of empowerment, eager to set up edifices of everyday sexism and workplace aggression before bringing them crashing down upon themselves. Though dark and at times incredibly depressing, I would say that Alyce Kills is actually quite feel-good, though that could be argued. It is, after all, about killing.

Alyce KillsAlyce herself came off as more of an idea personified than a character to me, as she so quickly grew from quiet and submissive to completely unbreakable. She began as a drinker and lightweight druggie, stuck in a cubicle with a boss that resents her youth, stuck among cheaters and liars that are barely worth calling a circle of friends, and stuck in a shit apartment with no way to pay the rent on time; her life sucked.

One night, she heads out to a club with her best (and only) friend Carroll. They have their fun up until Carroll browses her boyfriend’s phone and finds out that he’s been cheating on her with Renee, the bitchy blonde. Distraught, she hits up her dealer Rex for some E, and the two girls thizz and have an almost-romantic experience together. They wind up on the roof of Alyce’s apartment building, and before you know it, Carroll takes a tumble and eats the pavement a few stories down.

Alyce KillsYou could say that’s the beginning of Alyce’s transformation, as she immediately enters a deep depression and begins having sex with Rex in exchange for various escapist substances. Ironically enough, it is Rex that explains to her how she can take control of her life and make the hurt stop. In what I find to be one of the more moving points of the film, Rex offers Alyce a sizeable baggie of forget-your-problems for free after talking to her about his life, only to have her refuse it outright. Rex then comments, “Never had that happen before.”

From that point on, Alyce sheds what doubt she had left and begins “taking control of her life.” To her, that means killing or mentally wounding anyone who had ever wronged her. Even the guy who hit on her in the bar at the beginning of the movie isn’t safe. Her actions during her empowerment period, despite being horrific, contribute towards her becoming a damn charming character. I actually really fell in love with the vengeful and murderous Alyce, because it always felt like she treated her killings as tying up loose ends rather than outright retribution.

Alyce KillsHaving her masturbate to the bleak happenings on the news was a little bit of a pretentious move by the filmmakers, though. But hey, if she can crunch up a guy’s head with a baseball bat in order to get it down the garbage disposal, she can touch herself to our morbidly sensationalist media.

Overall, I feel like Alyce Kills is worth two watches; the first time to experience the film, the second time to read into the underlying social commentary. Mind you, rarely if ever do I say that a horror movie is more than a once-off. You should probably check this one out.

Chuck Bowen of SlantMagazine brings up a point that reminds me distinctly of American Psycho: it is clear that Alyce is slowly driving herself to madness, but no one notices, as they’re too deeply buried in their own pursuits. They certainly notice when she kills them. Poor Carroll. Here’s the alt review: http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/alyce-kills

Nine Dead Has No Protagonists

Nine Dead

It really doesn’t. The masked man is the closest thing to a good guy, but he kills people.

Nine Dead doesn’t really break any new ground in the well-treaded realm of horror, but it certainly provides enough intrigue to hold your interest until the end. The premise, nine people trapped in a room until they can discover why they’re there, allows the film to tantalize viewers with a slow but steady trickle of information that leads up to the dramatic conclusion. All you know is that they deserve to be there, and as they each begin spilling their personal stories, you’ll understand why.

Nine DeadNine Dead wastes no time in delivering its victims to the killroom. From the very start, you witness a chain of seemingly unrelated kidnappings that ends in nine people trapped in the heart of a vengeful scheme. Handcuffed to metal poles and placed before a timer, the supposedly guilty group must speak amongst themselves to find out just what they did to earn their imprisonment. Every ten minutes, the masked captor enters the room, asks if they’ve found the answer, and kills one of them when they have nothing to offer.

Since the entire film is essentially built around spoilers, there are only two things left for me to explain: the characters, and the somewhat dissatisfying conclusion. I’ll do a bullet list for the characters.

  • Kelley, the cutthroat attorney at law.
  • Jackson, the cop who’s not as clean as he thinks he is.
  • Eddie Vigoda, the timid and innocent type.
  • Father Francis, the devout Catholic priest.
  • Nhung Chan, the Chinese woman who sadly does not speak English.
  • Sully Fenton, the easily amused and short-fused head of a gang.
  • Leon, the gun running black guy. He doesn’t die first.
  • Coogan, the unabashed pedophile.
  • Christian, the barkeep and Hollywood actor.

Nine DeadInteresting lineup, huh? Makes you wonder how they could all possibly be connected.

My final note, aside from stating the opinion that Nine Dead is worth a watch if you like webs of intrigue and character driven stories, is that person X does NOT get away scot-free at the end. The masked man was filming them the entire time, so when the police find the recording devices, they will log the video as evidence. No evil goes unpunished in this’un.

Ben the Book beat Nine Dead upside its nine heads with a stop sign, saying the acting was vomitous and the plot was only being held together by the stubborn understains of its knickers. While I can promise you that the film isn’t that icky, it is certainly no more than a once-off horror film to satisfy an idle mind. Boredom, not stupidity. Whatever. It wasn’t like Saw at all, though. Read this collection of words: http://spitonyourtaste.blogspot.com/2011/07/nine-dead-review.html

The Twist in the Room at the House at the End of the Street

House at the End of the Street

House at the End of the Street has got more twists than a 1960s dance floor, I tell ya what. Jennifer Lawrence has to put up with some shit. I mean that in both a plot and a bone-breaking sense. Well, there’s one bone-breaking twist, and it in itself is an emotional twist that misleads viewers. Even the suspenseful climax will keep you guessing. Gosh darn I hate reviewing good movies because I don’t want to spoil anything.

House at the End of the StreetElissa and her recently divorced mom move into a big house near a national park, only affordable because the house at the end of the street *cough* was where a family was slaughtered, leaving only one person alive… Ryan. And he still lives there. The entire town brands him a freak and hates him, as they don’t know the true story behind his family’s murder. You don’t either, so stop making crass assumptions. Quasi-spoiler, once Elissa and Ryan get a little chummy, he reveals that his brain-damaged sister Carrie-Anne killed everyone before drowning in a river. Her body was never found, so local legends have cropped up of her living in the woods.

House at the End of the StreetThere is a short introduction to the town douchebag, Tyler, which gives you someone to hate. He runs some kind of afterschool charity club which is actually a front for some stereotypical high school partying. Elissa doesn’t take too kindly to being propositioned by the drunk and “pathetically horny” Tyler lad. Aside from that, the only role he plays is trying to beat up Ryan right before things get dramatic climactic, so feel free to fully disregard him as a mechanism to incite an emotional response from you, the prospective audience. Was that too meta?

House at the End of the StreetJennifer Lawrence isn’t too bad in a horror movie victim role. Since the movie focuses more on scares oriented around the story rather than story oriented around the scares, there’s enough room for Elissa to actually receive some quality characterization, particularly by the dynamic between her and her mother. I actually found myself getting a little “involved” during the final confrontation.

Overall, House at the End of the Street comes off as a quality, modern horror story. Its only blatant clichés are a flashlight that’s low on batteries and a villain that comes back for a final scare. If you’re expecting to be doing a seeing of the boobies, you must be going to a different venue of cinematic event showing, for this instance is dedicated to the being of the quality. Ten outta ten.

Stephen Holden of NYTimes ripped House at the End of the Street for ripping from Psycho, which I haven’t seen for reasons unknown. If you want to watch something for entertainment, my mostly neutral and out-of-context review is the one for you. If you want to assess this flick as cinematic art, check out the alt review here: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/22/movies/the-house-at-the-end-of-the-street-with-jennifer-lawrence.html?_r=0

American Mary, Living the Dream

American Mary

American Mary is a film that I don’t think really deserves to be stuffed in the horror genre. There are horror elements, of course, like extreme body modification and a climactic murder, but this film is largely character driven. If not for how desperate the director was to sexualize Mary to hell and back, I’d consider American Mary to be nearly flawless. I’ll get more into that later, but for now, the plot.

Mary is training to become a surgeon under a hardass yet encouraging teacher, and funds are tight. For lack of any better ideas, she decides to take up working in a strip club to make ends meet. The owner, having looked over her resume, offers her $5,000 in cash to perform surgery on one of his lackeys who was savagely beaten. Unable to turn down that kind of money, Mary stitches him up and sets the wheels in motion.

American MarySoon after, she begins to receive calls from a plastic surgery addict named Beatress Johnson who is apparently looking for some unorthodox surgery for a friend. Mary turns her down initially, but she caves once the Betty Boop lookin’ gal starts offering big bucks, as that’s basically her weak point. Hey, if you can do what you’re good at and make a shitload of cash off of it, why not, right? The surgery scene is tame compared to what you’d normally expect in slasher movies, though you might have sympathy pains during the nipple removal bit. Oop, did I say that out loud? Spoiler! Ooh hoo hoo.

After finding her footing financially, one of her teachers invites her to a surgeon party, which she decides to attend. Donning a tacky and skimpy dress, she finds herself drugged and raped by her old teacher. Who would have thought, huh? Apparently he thought she had become a prostitute to make money, which… explains why he rapes her? I don’t follow that logic at all, but it sets up a revenge scene that is pretty satisfying.

American MaryMary practices every extreme body modification she can on her rapist teacher after paying the strip club’s owner to have him “acquired” and beaten. After that, the remainder of the film focuses on her body modification, and some of its dire consequences. Er, not the consequences of having body modification, but of doing them. The conclusion of American Mary could not have been better. If you end up liking the movie, I guarantee the ending will score high. No hints aside from what I’ve already said.

As for the sexualization that I mentioned earlier, I feel as though it’s unnecessary and distracts from the story. The movie is too serious to be campy, so the sexy outfits during surgery and constant boobs and butts everywhere seem out of place. I suppose mixing sex and surgery can be considered avant-garde, but the way it’s done in this film makes it seem tacky. Like they believed they wouldn’t be able to sell Mary’s story without throwing in some blatant titillation, you know? It’s a damn shame, because Mary is a likeable character. You don’t need to see her ass to figure that out. If you do, then you’re a confusing person and you’ll probably glean a lot more from the film than I did.

American MaryMatt Glasby of TotalFilm found the rape revenge to be empowering. While I do enjoy a bit of justified retaliatory torture, it tends to draw focus from the fact that Mary’s shitsack teacher probably shouldn’t have played the rape game in the first place. It’s good that he got his dick chopped off. Right, well, here’s the alt review: http://www.totalfilm.com/reviews/cinema/american-mary

American Psycho is Actually British

Christian Bale is. Did you know that? He’s very good at American accents.

American Psycho is one of those movies that I regret not seeing sooner. Along with providing a depressingly true moral lesson, Christian Bale’s performance as the brutally insane yuppie Patrick Bateman is both hilarious and disturbing. Based off a book by the same name, American Psycho is a story of the successful white businessman archetype of the 80s, only with a growing undertone of uncontrollable sadistic bloodlust throughout. To paint the proper image, envision Christian Bale being told to feed a stray cat to an ATM machine by the ATM machine, and then attempting to shoot the cat in the head after he discovers it won’t fit through the card feed. With me so far?
AMEPic2Patrick Bateman is detestable by any standards but the standards of the bigoted, self-obsessed, coke-sniffing yuppie. He has a strict (and excessive) morning routine, he’s neurotic about things like having his apartment dirtied, his clothes touched, and his business card being subjectively inferior to those of his peers. The first major murder of one of his business partners brings an investigation down on him and his work, which in turn stresses him out and makes him want to kill even more people, known as “returning some video tapes.” And yet, despite the fact that people are disappearing left and right, he gets off scott-free. Even the private investigator can’t seem to figure out that there’s something off about Patrick.

All throughout the film, he is acutely aware of his homicidal tendencies, but seems to be completely at their mercy. The narration Patrick provides reveals that the only thing causing him to hesitate before slaughtering people in cold blood is a distant sense of abstract morality. Which is to say, “I’m pretty sure this is bad but holy crap I want to.” Only once in the movie does Patrick let someone live after luring them to his home, and that only happens because a convenient interruption pops up to halt his nailgun fun.
AMEPic3American Psycho is probably darker than I’m making it out to be, but there are several humorous elements applied tastefully. Most of the humor is admittedly black comedy or satire, so… Okay, well, I suppose you need to be a little morbid to giggle at Christian Bale screaming and chopping apart businessmen with an axe after explaining why he likes Huey Louis and The News. It’s got a charm, but the prime of that charm come from Christian Bale’s contribution to Patrick Bateman’s character.

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone Reviews sheds some light on the book from which the film originated. It, um… It certainly seems like a piece of literature best taken with a grain of salt. Or perhaps an entire shaker. Or, better yet, throw it into the ocean and let it drown in salt. Something about a starving rat and a vagina. I’m sure I don’t need to add anything else to that for you to understand how grody the book is. Still, the movie softens the blow enough that it’s tolerable. Definitely not a family film, but… Heyyy, read some more here: http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/american-psycho-20000414

V/H/S/2, Mega Murder Mayhem

VHS2

V/H/S/2 was alright.

What, you want more from me? It’s a sequel of a compilation of horror shorts filmed by people who sometimes don’t know what they’re doing. This time around, the quality fluctuates rather noticeably. I’ll run through each short independently for the sake of keeping things clean and orderly, okay? Okay. Oh, and yeah, beware of boobs. There are plenty. Maybe? Nah, just two sets. Four total. On two different people though.

The overlying story. It revolves around two people trying to blackmail a guy and find some lady’s son. Also boobs at the very start. Best chest forward, right? They end up watching a bunch of home movies. Everyone dies. 4/10 for tying things together but doing so very plainly. A guy shoots his jaw off, which is pretty cool.

VHS2Robot eyeball story. A man has a synthetic eye installed into his brain, and it has a camera because the company that gave it to him decided that they want to test it that way. Privacy is overrated. The guy starts seeing ghosts, a girl comes over and says that spontaneous sex will scare ghosts away, but then it doesn’t. Everyone dies. 5/10 for an interesting camera concept, but icky mirror gimmicks and arbitrary boobs.

Cyclist zombies. They don’t actually ride bikes. A cyclist puts a bunch of cameras on his helmet and bike, and then stops to save a woman who is actually a zombie. She bites his neck-meat and they go around eating people. Main zombie guys blows his face off with a found shotgun after getting a call from his girlfriend that reminds him of his humanity. The girlfriend is only ever on the phone, so she doesn’t die. 5/10 for zombie 1st person perspective, but generic enough that the magic fades quickly.


VHS2Indonesian pedophile cult
. This one’s pretty neat. A film crew explores a cult of the aforementioned nature, which is led by a character titled Father. They learn about the unusual practices that occur within, and then the only female crewmember turns out to be pregnant. Things quickly spin out of control as Satan explodes out of her uterus. 7/10 for being interesting despite crappy effects and an obnoxious, Blair Witch-Beelzebub hybrid ending. Oh, also, almost everyone dies.

Naked beige alien invasion. I hate everyone in/everything about this short. It’s about a bunch of annoying kid-friends interrupting people having sex and then being caught masturbating. And then naked beige aliens come in and eat everyone. -255/1 (you didn’t think the numbers actually measured anything tangible, did you?) for being the worst possible cinematographic amalgamation of kitschy horror clichés I’ve ever detected with my ocular accoutrements. That last sentence gets 10/10. And yes, everyone dies. Including the kid that got abducted.


VHS2V/H/S/2. It’s alright
. Skip the zombie and alien bits, alright? VHS the first had it goin’ on, what with its glitchy serial killer, naked harpy lady, lesbian neck-slasher, and- well, the generic screaming ghost girl was yuck, but the ratio of good minis to bad is superior to its descendant. You should watch both right now, one after the other. Do it. You’ll love it.

OH. Well, ex-CUSE me Kofi Outlaw of ScreenRant. I guess the SECOND one is better! It sure is all STREAMLINED and EFFICIENT! Nah, I’m just being facetious. Comparing them two movies is basically weighing two lard-filled balloons on a scale to see which one is heavier. I mean, even if you found out… they’re still just lard-filled balloons. You can probably blow it up for a laugh, but it’s only good for one go. Terrible allegory aside, here’s the link for the review by Professor Cinematograph: http://screenrant.com/vhs-2-reviews/


Dexter is Bloody Good Television

Dexter

Pretty sure I’ve made that joke before. Oh well. Don’t knock the golden oldies.

Serial murder is the zest that makes Dexter great. I harp on horror movies for using bloody violence as their selling point all the time. But when a TV drama takes that blood and puts a powerful character at the center of it all, it undergoes a miraculous transformation: it turns to solid gold. I’ve seen six seasons, give or take, and it genuinely surprised me to find that it stayed interesting. Between the scheming, the dark backstory, the close calls, you’re always kept on the edge of your seat. It’s tough to deal with sometimes.
DexterEnter Dexter Morgan, a socially awkward blood spatter analyst working for the Miami Metro PD. He’s got a foul-mouthed sister climbing the rungs of police hierarchy, a girlfriend with intimacy issues relating to her abusive ex-husband, and the memory of a foster father who taught him how to cope with his “dark passenger.” The dark passenger is the defining aspect of the series, in a way.

Once upon a spoiler-free time, three year old Dexter saw something terrible happen before his very eyes. He could barely understand what it meant at the time, but it left a hell of an impact. He is afflicted with urges that drive him to kill, but his dear adopted father Harrison taught him to channel the bloodlust towards the deserving. Ironically enough, the “Code of Harry” only permits the murder of murderers.

DexterThankfully, our rad lab rat lad Dexter has many tricks with which to verify the guilt of his marks. Perk of being a blood-spatter analyst, though on the other hand, it’s a double-edged blade. Being so close to the police whilst taking care of his dirty business means that every little slip-up leads into a huge fiasco that nearly brings his grody little secrets to light. To make matters worse, one cop in particular, James “Surprise Motherfucker” Doakes, hounds him constantly for being creepy, artificial, and generally abnormal.

Throughout the seasons, you’ll see Dexter dive into his past, learn about his family, learn from other serial killers, explore his personal life with Rita the girlfriend, work through his addiction problems, and plenty more. The characters are strong, the web of deception is stronger, and it is more than re-watchable. Top notch series.

DexterIt’s based off of the 2004 novel called Darkly Dreaming Dexter that is acutely different from the TV show, by the way. No comparative statements pending, and there won’t be an alternate article. It’s tough to review a TV series with many seasons that is also based off a novel with a single article. But I did just that. Hope it gets you watching! First few seasons are on Netflix instant view! Enjoy!



 

 

Shedding Some Light on Darkroom

Darkroom

The main issue with Darkroom is that it doesn’t experiment with the horror genre. I was terribly disappointed to discover that this was a 2013 production, which would suggest that the horror genre has, is, and will continue to struggle with a crippling creative deficit. Or I could be wrong and this uninspired flick has just added another few points to my cynic counter. The main issue with Darkroom is that it is indistinguishable from other horror movies. Imagine opening up your freezer to see a rainbow of different popsicles, but despite their colors, the only flavor is grape; different look, same bitter aftertaste. Moving on.

Michelle is a party girl undergoing counseling after accidentally killing all her friends in a crash-and-burn car accident. What incited this? She was at a club with her boyfriend, happened to see a couple arguing, and tried to intervene. When the girl’s rowdy boyfriend got confrontational, Michelle’s boyfriend scrummed with him. They and their friends were promptly ejected from the club. Despite being extremely agitated and presumably tipsy, Michelle decides to drive them all home. Death. As you can see, there’s nothing new in the throwaway horror movie female lead department.

The “horror” engages when Michelle’s counselor has her take a modeling job at an abandoned mansion. No time is wasted luring her into the basement and locking her in a cell-like room and revealing the true nature of the “job.” There was never any modeling, ohoho no! You’ve got to be purged of your sins, dear girl. Enter the psycho, Bible-thumping family of three murderers that were beaten and tortured by their mother and subsequently developed a taste for low-budget torture porn.

Minus the last embellishment, that’s the entirety of the plot. Several stragglers attempt to enter play, such as a friendly girl Michelle met in counseling, and the backstory of the bloody trio, but let’s be honest here: All Darkroom has is the fundamental horror formula, to which it added nothing. Girl does something to make herself a target, girl is targeted, girl is captured, girl fights to escape.

And to think the most entertaining part of the movie was when she put all their PSA microphones next to each other and flooded the mansion’s basement with some ear-piercing feedback. Yet another fantastic success (hee hee) on the horror front, thanks to the amazing machinations of… whoever came up with this meager sub-horror filth.

Todd Helper of StaceyPageOnline believes that Darkroom was a waste of time as well. Since this was an indie movie, I suppose being more lenient is the polite thing to do. Personally, I prefer being brutally blunt and rather rude about bad movies. If this is how they wish to begin their career in filmmaking, I wholeheartedly suggest a full-stop and change of direction, because this one? This one is a no-no. Here’s the alt-review, even though you really should just avoid Darkroom on general principle: http://www.staceypageonline.com/2013/10/31/movie-review-darkroom/

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