V/H/S, Who Likes Short Shorts?
V/H/S. I’m pretty sure I’d have never stumbled across this movie if I hadn’t been fatally bored while skimming through Netflix’s selection of god-awful horror movies. You see, V/H/S is a testament to horror movie stereotypes. All the female characters have to be sexy, all the male characters have to be horny assholes, and fucking everybody has to fucking say fucking fuck as fucking much as fucking possible. Also, if this movie was a swimming pool, you’d be absolutely drowning in boobs. It’s too much.
V/H/S is a compilation of horror shorts done by various directors. There’s no consolidated theme aside from the “tie it all together” main story. A bunch of crooks are hired by an anonymous person to burgle someone’s house and make off with a single VHS cassette. While they’re searching, they discover a dead body sitting in front of a bunch of TVs, which are surrounded by dozens of VHS cassettes. While they search through them, you get to see the shorts.
The acting is on par with B-horror movie shockumentaries. I can personally guarantee that you won’t like anyone, and that everyone you see will probably die or kill someone or be involved in killing someone. Sometimes it’s predictable, sometimes it isn’t. That’s the benefit of having a bunch of shorts as opposed to one long movie.
At this point, you’re probably thinking either, “I’d watch this because it sounds so bad it must be bad-good,” or, “I have better things to do with my life.” I won’t say V/H/S is a good movie, but it’s both interesting and scary. It feels like you’re watching a compilation of urban legends in the making. The effects, which are consolidated into one “camera visual glitch” category, do what they’re meant to do and don’t overshoot their bounds. The video quality’s going to be low and shaky, but that’s the shockumentary genre for you.
Speaking of genre, the shorts are quite varied, each encompassing a different malevolent entity. In one, a cult. In another, a monster disguised as a human. In yet another, just a person. It keeps you guessing, though the first view will be highly disorienting because of the lack of continuity and forgettable characters.
I’ll toss you some cliff notes before stapling on the alternate review. V/H/S is interesting and scary, enough so that you won’t feel like you’re wading through tits and f-bombs and excessive gore. You will be, but you’ll be distracted, so it all works out in the end. Hopefully I’m not setting you up for disappointment. I don’t think I am.
Stacey Buchanan of Horror-Movies.ca spoke highly of V/H/S, which is actually kinda throwing me for a loop. I couldn’t tell you if it deserved the 4.5/5 stars she gave it, but I can say that the dull parts of the movie don’t last very long. Hell, if you like it for one short, then the movie’s done its job. Here’s the review link: http://www.horror-movies.ca/2012/05/vhs-review/